Untittled

I dont know what is up with me that makes me wanted to post this..it's like I just wanna tell you guys reasons why I volunteered to be a prefect this year..I knew I've posted something a lot similar to this before, but yeah well,..but please know that this is nothing like I wanna show off and stuff..so kalau taknak bace pun, at least,  skip to the last point

First of all, I think we all know the very first reason behind all this..yes, it is because of him..aha I know it's crazy right? like I'd buy new prefect clothes just for one year usage..like what a waste, Seri! But like all girls yg tengah angau, this is something normal we all do, right?

Secondly, it's because I want this one prefect certificate!! YES I'm so desperate for it..because i need that koko marks and as an inactive koko girl, I'd do possibly anything just so I can raise up my koko grades..ahaha yep..

And last but not least, aha I wanna get this 'all access'..if I'm just a regular student, I wouldnt get this 'free' access to anything this schhol has to offer..and I mean like, bila rehat, tak boleh naik kelas, bila datangsekolah lambat, takda excuse yg kukuh *parents hantar lambat bukanlah alasan yg boleh pakai..Now that I'm in form5, I TERRIBLY NEED this 'all access' thing..sebab form5 neh banyak benda aku plan nak dan akan buat..time rehat, aku nak umpa ckgu tnye soalan, so mungkin akn masuk kelas lambat sikit..and kalau datang lambat, boleh terus pegi tempat bertugas aku which is, the bustop. sebenarnya, aku sendiri yg volunteer nak jaga bustop tuh..punya lah beriya!! aku ada adik darjah 2 sekolah rendah, and disebabkan dia, hajat aku untuk sampai ke sekolah sebelum pukul 7 sering terhalang..hmm tambahan pula, aku pegi skola naik kereta ayah hantar..bukan naik van..kalau naik van, mestilah disiplin tunggu sebelum pukul berapa..tapi, naik ayah, kita bergantung pada dia..

aku pun tak nak sebenarnya mula2 nak jaga bustop, tapi bila difikirkan balik dengan disiplin aku pegi sekolah lambat je, lebih baik jaga tempat yg luar daripada sekolah..tapi kan, tak bermakna takde benefit langsung jaga sini..best apa pagi2 angin sepoi2..fresh air gitu..haha

so,, apa tadi, oh ye, all access..dengan jd pengawas ni la aku boleh dapat tiket besar nk turun naik tangga pegi mana aku suka sesuka hati...mwahaha 

and lagi satu la kan, tahun ni dua kawan rapat yg aku baru kenal tahun lepas dah pindah..siti dengan fatin..sorang pindah kelantan, sorang pindah perak? jauh gila tahu tak? kitaorang tahun lepas kawan ber-empat, now tinggal aku dengan seorang kawan yg aku tak berapa nak rapat tahun lepas *bukan tak rapat, just tak "ngam"...

sejak tahu kawan berdua tu nak pindah, aku terus mindset nak jadi antisocial tahun 2013 nih..dan so far, progress nye 50-50..haha so kalau tak jadi pengawas, ke-lonely-an aku yg takde kawan ni macam terselah kot..nnt pegi mana2 sorang2 orang tengok macam kesian.. i dont need that sympathy..aku cuma terpisah dengan kawan je..maksud aku, kalau pakai baju biru ni, kalau sorang2 pun ok ape..rasa macam boleh bawak diri..bila pegi mana2 sorang2, orang igt aku tengah bertugas..hehew

yeye je org ingat aku tengah bertugas...lol

hmm i guess thats all for now, goodbye for noww and lemme end this post with this pic of mine...the pic was taken right after i got home from school..i was so bored alone in the car, and decided to strike a pose my own..aha amik gambar sendiri dalam kereta regerdless of ada orang ke tak tengok kat luar..tapi kan, my face tak berapa nak ok laa..

*****It makes me laugh when I go through some of my old posts and realize just how silly and idiotic and annoying i was. I finally saw myself from a reader's point of view.

I like to do it sometimes, going through the old posts. It lets me know how much I've grown. Mentally and emotionally. Honestly I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M A FORM 5 STUDENT. I still think I'm 14. And I still think of myself as a kid. Helpless and childish. Honestly I don't feel like I'm any different from myself three years ago. I still fit in the same shoes (my black school shoes are still the same since Form 2, still good). I don't feel like a lady. I haven't carried make-up around in my handbag yet. I don't even wear make-up. Sikat rambut pun tak. Though I think I have developed a certain degree of narcissism.
But when I read back my posts, I know. I know that there is a certain change though I cannot put it into words. The way I write. If that changes it means the way I think also changes. My level of ego.Yes that has changed, but I'm not sure if it has multipled or divided.
I like having my opinion changed. I like observing people. And wonder what their lives are like. And then I wonder about my life and what I've done with it. And I wonder about what I want.

And I'm still not sure who I want to be. O_o